1930-03-14—Brooklyn Eagle—The Mormon Taboos

The Mormon Taboos

Brooklyn Eagle, March 14, 1930, p. 20

The Mormon Taboos

by John Alden

["If any people could save the price of tobacco, tea, coffee and liquors they would derive an economic benefit alone that would make them leaders. And they would derive other benefits. Average life ion our Church is six years longer than outside it."—Mormon Apostle M. J. Ballard at Gates Avenue Church.]

On coffee and tea and tobacco,

The Latter Day Saints are at war;

Opinions they form on the old Book of Mormon

Aggressive and irritant are.

Of course they soft-pedal beet sugar,

Which goes with the coffee and tea;

But thinkers may seize on the adequate reason—

What Smoot might explain it to be.

They're stricter than all the Wahabis

Or Mecca in fixing their creed;

They frown on the habits of even our Babbitts,

And never a protest they heed.

Like Moslems, with pre-Volstead firmness

All drinks alcoholic they shun;

They line up their forces against all divorces,

Except the divorces they've won.

Let's own they're more saintly than we are,

They shame common everyday chaps;

No doubt ever jostles their dozen apostles,

But we are more human, perhaps.